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Home » Forums » D/s Community Forums » Beginners » How to find a partner at The Pork

How to find a partner at The Pork Expand / Collapse
Posted 11/28/2015 10:50:30 AM


so, whether you are new to The Pork or to the alphabet soup of D/S, BDSM, or S/m--or are beautifully vanilla--it probably goes without saying that these activities usually require two to tango. and, since this is an adult chat site, it should be easy to hook up here, right?

not so fast.

would you believe that many of the same things that help couples click in r/t apply to c/t? I know, right? who'd have thunk?!

so yeah, one's appearance doesn't matter here at The Pork, but chemistry, rapport, and respect are still very important. so how do you establish that?

it's easy: chat. this is, after all, a chat site. go into the rooms and start chatting. PUBLICLY, that is. any of the chat rooms. sure, NHB can be a little intimidating and tough on newbies. stick it out, pick your spots to join into a conversation. be respectful of others and and don't take yourself too seriously.

as for the D/s rooms, they may seem intimidating because of the themes, or the perceived experience level of those present. in truth, the experience level may be less than you think. generally, the chatters present are very accommodating to all experience levels and the broad spectrum of D/s, BDSM, S/m and, yes, open-minded vanillas. try us out in the smaller rooms! join the chat, ask questions, let us get to know you! that's the point.

seriously, you need to establish a public persona in the rooms to gain the rapport, respect, and trust for an online relationship--or even an online booty call. most of us don't really respond favorably to private messages from people we don't know. just like in an r/t club--cheesey lines from a stranger rarely work. chemistry, rapport, respect, and trust ftw! and when I say chat, I mean converse. don't just post things publicly like "anyone wanna get laid?" or "looking for someOne to serve." that's not chatting, it's being a troll. it gets old fast, and does nothing to establish rapport. ((in the D/s rooms, offers to serve are commonplace enough, but most often are accepted when--SURPRISE!--rapport and respect have been built up between the one serving and the One being served.))

and, another thing. while bad breath is not an issue online, some r/t chemistry-busters also apply in the c/t world. chief among them: don't come across as needy, desperate, selfish. if you are submissive, that does not mean you lack self-respect--far from it! if you can't respect yourself, how can you expect others to? and if you can't respect others, how can you expect them to respect you? No means No, here as in r/t. if the only way we know you is because all you do is troll and whine about how you can't find somebody here, you will probably never find a partner here--or in r/t. I'm a Sswitch. as a Top, I can't respect a bottom who only throws himself at Me in desperation urging me to walk all over him. as a bottom, i can't respect a Top Who only talks to me in private messages about how He wants to train me. again: chemistry, rapport, respect.

finally--and this may be analogous to appearance in r/t--think about your chat nickname. if You identify as a Top or Dominant, consider a name like Nox that begins with an upper-case letter; if you identify as a bottom or submissive, consider a name that begins with a lower case letter such as trainable (these are recommendations; it's not a hard-and-fast rule. just easier.)) and, please, refrain from names that describe your genatalia.

that's it for now. thanks for listening, and I hope to get to know you in the rooms!
Post #1025938
Posted 11/28/2015 5:09:54 PM

Bra Tester

Bra TesterBra TesterBra TesterBra TesterBra TesterBra TesterBra TesterBra Tester

*gets out of the Nox line*

i'm so totally needy i'd hump a bed knob today!

(s'good, helpful writing, hot stuff!)

*slinks off dejected*
Post #1025944
Posted 11/28/2015 5:50:41 PM


Nicely put, Nox. *s*

I've read a few "beginners" posts where they say hello, or ask a question, & never seem to see them again. I admit I'm not actively searching for those people, & have never wandered into NHB (due to My preference for D/s), but to NEVER see them again is a bit bizarre.

Then there are those who are just plain shy. There's nothing wrong with being shy, but I think this is a pretty safe place if you know how to manage the information you disclose, even just a little bit. This was the first site I joined when I decided to be more proactive in My lifestyle education, & I know I had this nightmare scenario in My mind of being ridiculed as the new One around here. That wasn't the case at all, & I think it's due to the combination of My genuine curiosity, & Oothers accepting, even enjoying, that I wanted to learn. Ssome have said outright that they can't contribute to a discussion (generally because they don't know enough about it), while Oothers have been more than willing to chime in.

It was by asking My questions that I met some good Ppeople, & have established a good CT relationship with Mine....and all here! she was one of the many that would respond to questions, Wwe began a dialogue, I like(d) her, Wwe evolved the dialogue into more friendly territory, & on a day I felt comfortable with the idea I went for it...Oour relationship has been very beneficial for Uus both ever since. And it all started by approaching the site as a whole with questions.
Post #1025949
Posted 11/28/2015 6:10:48 PM



ksenia, I got your knob iight here! *grins*

7ROMM3L, exactly! I see people introduce themselves on The Forums but never see them in the rooms. Or, I see someone who just shows up and says "let me serve You!" and thinks that is all that is required, and then acts like a child when that doesn't work. I'm glad things working out for You here!
Post #1025951
Posted 11/30/2015 10:53:20 AM
The Owner

The Owner

Excellent topic Nox. Worthy of being pinned.
Post #1026037
Posted 11/30/2015 11:00:10 AM

absolutely LOVES this.....~smooches Nox's cheek, smiling~....beautifully said Lady

"Your true character is revealed by the clarity of your convictions, the choices you make, and the promises you keep. Hold strongly to your principles and refuse to follow the currents of convenience. What you say and do defines who you are, and who you are, you are forever."
Post #1026038
Posted 12/1/2015 11:32:50 AM


Why, I do declare, I've been pinned!

*dabs at the little drops of blood*

Post #1026161
Posted 12/25/2017 11:41:50 PM


Thanks for this post. The line about not coming across needy and how a sub should maintain self was something I needed to hear. SO thanks again.
Post #1041160
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