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weinstein - the open secret Expand / Collapse
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Posted 10/11/2017 2:00:53 PM
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the reason this guy has got away with so much for so long is the silence of others

names like paltrow, jolie, kendall ... WHEN will women learn that these abusers manage to operate for decades because not enough speak out and break the silence? i get that he probably targeted them when they were newer actresses, trying to make their name, and he manipulated them; but they've been powerful names in the industry for years - they SHOULD have spoken out. does this excuse weinstein? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! just makes me sad how women take on the shame, carry the secret. it enables the predators.
Post #1040086
Posted 10/11/2017 6:48:58 PM
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So you're blaming the victims?

Pretty sure that women know they should speak up and break the silence, but then, with the power differential in this particular case, and all that the ladies had to lose... it's very easy to say what they should have done.
Post #1040091
Posted 10/11/2017 7:11:52 PM
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let me be clear - there were people who knew what was going on who were not victims, and there were those who'd been victimised but had gone on to be super famous, wealthy women whose voices WOULD have been listened to, or would have at least made a huge stir. instead, they did what so many people do (male and female in these situations) and that's to privately warn off others. this doesn't stop the weinstein's of this world from continuing to garner public acclaim, wealth and power and continuing to abuse the more vulnerabale for decades.

predators are able to continue to abuse when no-one speaks out. the young woman who went to her friend 2 years back, and from there with her friend to the police, enabled that voice-recording the police have and that has been played on the news channels. the fact that the authorities didn't proceed with prosecuting the man who is now accused by 3 others of rape as well as the numerous sexual assault charges already being leveled at him bites my arse. apparently there was another celebrity situation not long before that got screwed up and cost them (the authorities) a lot of credibility. HER bravery is a fantastic model. it sickens me that women still have to feel so afraid for their careers, reputations, even their lives, that they take on the abuser's shame and carry it with them - when they should be furious, righteous, and expose the abusers. time's are changing, i'd just hoped they'd changed a little faster given the cosby stuff. dammit, ladies, this can't be allowed to happen.

i actually endured many years of physical abuse from my husband at the time - once i was brave enough, and helped to do so by another family member, to go to the police about it, it put a stop to it. people like him THRIVE on the victim's silence. i don't doubt for one second that someone as wealthy/powerful as weinstein would do anything they could to discredit the witnesses.
Post #1040092
Posted 10/11/2017 7:39:02 PM
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Yes, but apart from Kendall, who I am uncertain as to who she is, you mentioned two victims - Jolie, and Paltrow. How do you know they WOULD have been listened to? Easy to state that now, given that their voices were added to Judd's, McGowan's, and the other anonymous ladies in the first NYT report. Just because they became 'super famous, wealthy women', it became their responsibility to take on Weinstein?
Post #1040093
Posted 10/11/2017 8:26:22 PM
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when someone as wealthy and famous as either jolie or paltrow speak out, it causes a stir; that is the nature of fame - you are noticed.
whether or not they would be believed is another matter. very likely not when they were new actresses, struggling young women. if, as famous women, they had taken a stand, it would almost undoubtedly have given others the courage to speak out. if individuals do not accept responsibility, nothing changes. i applaud wholeheartedly the fact they are speaking out now. i am not attacking them, just voicing my frustration that they didn't speak out before.

no one's saying it's easy. it was the hardest thing i'd ever done in my life at the time. nowadays, having been out of that toxic relationship for over a decade, i wish i'd have spoken out earlier. the wrong lay with him, his actions, and i shouldn't have been a party to protecting him from repercussions. it's because i have learned from this that i not only understand the reluctance of victims to speak out but also that we shouldn't have to feel that way. quite the opposite, in fact. valuing oneself is very important.
Post #1040094
Posted 10/12/2017 1:17:44 PM
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In my case the ‘know I should speak up. Is not so clear. The person who assaulted me was a woman who I believe to be very fragile and in a precarious place in life and who I don’t think is predatory. I feel I was not responsible ( I was drunk 😳and so was vulnerable and I feel I let myself down). And I think I owed myself that duty of care to myself. There are other ... things.

Should I have done, yes. Is it clear cut; I don’t think it always is
Post #1040104
Posted 10/12/2017 3:54:26 PM
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i trust you know i wasn't knocking your situation :rose: that's pretty complex, and alcohol always makes things harder to draw clear lines about during and after the events.
Post #1040105
Posted 10/12/2017 4:13:46 PM
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I know Solaris 🌹
Post #1040108
Posted 10/12/2017 9:26:33 PM
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http://www.upworthy.com/why-dont-women-come-forward-after-sexual-assault-this-comment-nailed-it?c=ufb1
Post #1040119
Posted 10/13/2017 10:04:32 AM
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we need to change the whole feel about the results of coming forward. i do believe that people not directly assaulted but knowing about it should have reported his damned skanky arse.
if i'd have found the courage and not made mental excuses for his behaviour and reported the psycho 15 years before i did, it would have saved me a shit ton of physical and mental abuse and other women besides me. guess it's because of that, the guilt in not having done so for my own sake and for others, combined with the freedom speaking out brings that makes me such an advocate for shining the spotlight on the scum.

i still think that, when jolie and paltrow and others had the kind of profiles that would allow them to make complaints without fearing they'd 'never work again', and that includes the brad pitts and others in the know, they could have banded together, organised and consolidated and outed him. i'm sure they regret not having done so.

but let's be perfectly clear on this subject: weinstein is the one i am blaming. his actions, his greed, his misuse of power because he could get away with it.
it saddens me that people still don't feel they can come forward to report abusers like him for fear of their own reputations, livelihoods, and personal comfort. it is time to change this. time to be empowered. time to stand up and say 'no, i will NOT keep your dirty secrets and carry YOUR shame. this is YOUR guilt, own it!'
Post #1040125
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